Ep 30 • How Wedding Planners Balance Family, Clients, and Chaos

Transcript:

Alexandra: Welcome back to another edition of Weddings Unscripted. How [00:01:00] you doing, Alison?

Alison: I’m doing good. Just the kids have off from school today, so trying to manage that, which is helpful for our chat today.

Alexandra: See, I think it’s helpful if they’re not home, so we have a opposite opinions on that already, which leads me into what we’re going to talk about today. We just thought it would be fun to talk about what this job entails and managing it sort of like, what is work life balance with this particular job?

 A lot of people, especially females, tend to think it’s like a dream job. We’re smelling flowers and tasting cake and you know, we sort of burst that bubble pretty quickly. How many spreadsheets and logistics and timelines and emails we’re sending. But we do love it. I think the people who love this job are a mix or a balance of A-type personalities that love a good spreadsheet, but love design and creativity as well.

 So there’s pluses and minuses of this career. Pluses is it can be very flexible, [00:02:00] minuses we have to work weekends. So we just thought we would dive into it, and then especially motherhood because since I started Cherry Blossom nineteen years ago, I feel like we’ve had fifteen employees having babies.

 So there’s all these cherry blossom kids, and it’s been lovely to provide a flexible work environment for some of those moms. So, what are your thoughts Ali?

Alison: Yeah. I think what’s really fun right now is a lot of my clients that I’ve recently worked with or a couple years ago, they’re all having babies right now. As far as someone just having a baby at the first of this month. So congratulations to all of the new mamas joining our cherry blossom team since we were your planners.

So we take you on as the cherry blossom family every time we see someone having a baby. But it’s interesting because it’s every once in a while, you know, you have to go to a client and say, I’m so sorry. I know we had a meeting scheduled today. Luckily, it was just a phone call.

I [00:03:00] know it’s still important, but can I please reschedule, because my daughter is throwing up, like non-stop kind of thing. And then for the most part, they’re always like, oh, that’s fine. Like we can reschedule. How about tomorrow or something like that? Or just take your time, let us know. But at the same time, now they’re in the thick of it.

Now they’re going to learn, what it’s like to have a career and have children, especially young ones. So I’m excited for all of them and their adventures. And I’ve even chatted with some of my old clients and been like, here’s a cool towel trick to help get your baby out of the bathtub, or, this and that.

So it’s fun to also continue to chat with them even after the wedding about non wedding related stuff on like, here’s some advice for your kiddo or something. So we always love talking to our old clients and stuff like that.

Alexandra: Yeah. When I first was pregnant with my son Declan. He’s now sixteen. He’s like a full grown man. I was very worried of letting anybody know. [00:04:00] In fact, I had some partial planning clients that we had agreed we weren’t going to talk from like, month six to month two leading up to the wedding.

And that’s when I had my baby. They literally didn’t know I was pregnant and had a kid. And I don’t know why I was so worried about letting people know that. And then it was like, the group of wedding planners that we came up with, everyone just started having these families, and so it was just this normal thing of figuring out how to balance it all.

 And I remember, my husband would come help set up like It’s not a trade show, but it was a wedding show Washingtonian will put them on and we all buy our spaces. And it was like a high end wedding show, and my husband would come to set up with me and so Declan was like two and he was running the halls of the Mandarin Oriental, and he was such a cute little towhead, and it was just such a funny time. But you want to know some challenges like, we have to be on site all day and ladies who choose to nurse, you have to take [00:05:00] thirty minutes out a couple times to pump.

 So I remember we were at the Decatur house one night and I got in my car, and I had my assistants walk all the way around the car and said, can you see me in the car? And they’re like, no, and that’s where I pumped. You know, now Alison has these like fancy pumps where she’s just walking around you don’t even know what’s happening.

Alison: And that’s why we had a conversation I think a couple podcasts ago about like it’s crazy how in my mind as like a millennial, I’m like, how did you guys do weddings before cell phones and the communication, which has made things so easy. But I’m like, I barely have time to sit down for any wedding like, if I get to drive from a church to the venue and it’s a five to ten minute drive, that is bliss. I’m like, oh, this feels so good and then you’re running around from there, but I barely have time to sit down. Any wedding planner that’s listening you know, okay, it’s eleven o’clock. It’s eleven p m. I can finally eat. I finally feel like [00:06:00] everything is accomplished and that I can actually be a human now, and then sometimes you just forget to go to the bathroom or to drink water. And it’s one of those things like, when I became a mom, I was like, I know how I am on site. So, now I have to try to find time, being a mother of young children to try to find to pump. And like, you had to sit down and hide off in a corner with physical pumps and then I have the luxury of being able to walk around and pump. But at the same time, I still have to go to a closet, put them on, find time to like, go take them off and pour the milk back in the bags, and it’s just a lot. But I do remember one fun story. I was with a caterer on site, and it was a good friend of mine, Paige, she’s the owner of Purple Onion now, which is a catering company in D.C. Area, and we were joking and she was like, said something about kiddos. And I was like, yeah, I’m pumping right now. And she was like, you’re what? And I’m literally just standing there in front of her, nothing attached to me. [00:07:00] She was like, no, and she was like, grabbed my boobs. she was like, oh, they are, I feel that’s wild and it was just like this funny thing between friends, but it was like I had the luxury to be able to do that now. So, any new mom that’s in this field, whenever I talk to them, I’m like, oh my gosh, you have to get the pumps that just tied right into your shirt. They’re amazing.

 But it’s still tough because they have lights on them so like, you’re self-conscious about can people see them or, you know, stuff like that. Yeah, that’s wild that you had to do that. So you had Declan for four years?

Alexandra: Yep, maybe three and a half. And I was trying to hide it from everybody, I don’t know why. And so I didn’t really pop until six months, and I remember being at a photographer’s house, Susan Hornyak and a wedding planner who she was so great. She lived in this area. She since moved Laura Weatherly.

 She glanced at my belly and looked at me in the eye and I like dodged her eyeballs. I was like, oh, she [00:08:00] knows. But I can’t figure out why I was so worried about people knowing like, maybe I thought that vendors would be like, oh, she’s having kids now. She probably can’t work as much, you know, and referrals would stop or something like that. I didn’t want my clients to worry that I couldn’t handle it . Even though you literally cannot explain to somebody how much your life changes when you have a child, you can’t be like, you’re not going to sleep for three years. People be like, that’s ridiculous. People have kids all the time. I’m like, I know, but they’re just getting through.

Alison: I think there is a weird stigma that we have in our minds. And I think it’s just from, historical things and stuff like that, like the whole children should not be seen, or whatever that phrase is. But it’s like, it does make us nervous that like, what are my clients going to think? And that’s because behind the scenes, we’re hearing from other wedding planners or other people in the industry before they even signed a contract. I remember this a couple years ago, a planner was telling me that our client was like saying you’re not allowed to get pregnant if we’re working [00:09:00] together. And it’s like, how do you get to dictate that? Like, I understand this is a long process and we have to be very involved and stuff like that. But at the same time, like if I still can do my job and manage your wedding successfully. What does that change?

Alexandra: I think that falls under the discrimination category or like against the law somehow. I mean many times you were talking about your second and third child, and we tried as best as we could to schedule weddings around the time, you were hopeful for it all to happen, and then it didn’t line up and boy, our boss were handed to us this spring because Logan arrived. You had so many great understanding clients and then some other unexpected stuff. So we were all just digging deep to make sure everyone was covered, but that’s also the benefit of having just a team as well.

Alison: I agree. Like, I’m so fortunate that I had you to help take over like you would communicate with vendors and you would communicate with my clients and there is someone else for you to talk to, [00:10:00] even though I almost fully shut it off and focus in on my family after having a baby for the three times that I’ve done this.

But at the same time, you and I were having weekly phone calls there’s just so many details that go into everything that I still have to check in and be like, oh, did this client do this and this? And this is after months of prepping me sending itemized lists of what each client needs to do or this, but there’s so many little nuances that it’s so hard to divulge all of that to you.

So you did awesome. And I’ve been very fortunate to have you. But now, when you were first starting out, you didn’t have that right. So you had your children, but you were the boss. You were the business owner. So that’s what a lot of people might be running into now of like, I am the business owner. So you could be the sole photographer, DJ, planner of your own company and find it hard to try to navigate. So, like, I couldn’t comprehend that because I did have you. So what was that like? Like you said you were [00:11:00] somewhat felt ashamed of I don’t want my clients to think that this is going to impact their event, but were you having to be like, on email all the time? Or did you were able to carve your schedule?

Alexandra: I don’t even remember for me, all I know is that it seemed to line up well enough for every once in a while you’re just not sure how a client will react? Like, there’s some that are so gracious and you know it’s not going to be a problem. So for some reason, it did line up fine.

And I honestly don’t remember clients with Maddox at all. What I do remember with both my kids is that I was so obsessed with my job and planning weddings that I asked my doctor if I can be induced the day after my due date if the baby did not come. He was pretty cool and chill, he was like, yeah, sure, why not? Let’s do it. And I was like, great, here we go, June ninth he was like why though? I was like, I’m a wedding planner and I have to get back to work. Like I’m not curing cancer, right? and so it was a little stressful because I didn’t tell anybody my clients. And then there was you know, a few emergencies that popped up [00:12:00] where I was like, oh my gosh I’m still really heavy and I’m just not one hundred percent, where I had to go on site.

 But then with Maddox, I was like, oh, no, we’re taking some time. Now that I have two, like, we’re gonna have this baby, we’re gonna go to the beach, we’re gonna chill out. But you just don’t know what you don’t know.

 We didn’t plan for any childcare. I was like, the baby’s gonna sleep by my desk, and I’m just going to keep working and working. That was hysterical. That’s not a real thing at all.

Alison: When they’re little. Yeah. I mean, for a short period of time, but once they’re mobile you’re, like, constantly having to chase them around. And that’s where I am in the boat right now of like Logan my third, he’s been with me every day basically since he was born, except for working a few weekends here and there and stuff like that and some meetings, but he’s starting to move. He’s eight months old, so he’s on the move now and he is constantly trying to get into everything because he’s a little boy and he just wants to climb everything and stuff like that. Because I remember when [00:13:00] I was just like a baby planner. I watched this one planner who has a big team now and stuff like that, but she has stepped back from her role. But I remember watching her, she brought her car seat to meetings and the baby just slept while meetings happen. I was like, whoa, your clients are super cool with that like, you know, she was just so chill about bringing them along. But now being a mom, I’m like, oh, I’ve tried to do that.

The car seat worked for a period of time. The carrier worked every once in a while, did have to do that for a few meetings when we first had our first couple of kids, but then once they start moving and realizing they do not want to be stuck in the car seat, it gets a little tricky.

 And that’s where you have to be strategic about meetings and stuff. But I also remember working with your team a long time ago when I was at the Women’s Museum and your team member, her name was Elizabeth and she was on site super pregnant. And I remember talking to her on site, and I’ve never forgotten this.

 And [00:14:00] I’m like, oh, when are you due? That’s so exciting. And she was like, today. And I was like, wait, what? She’s like, yeah, today. I was like, oh wow, you are working today. Like, I just was in all of that too, because it was like, she’s in high heels on a marble floor and do that day and you were on site just in case, like back up in case she had to leave or something like that.

 And I just was like, I hope to be that badass when I’m pregnant. I was like, that’s pretty awesome.

Alexandra: Yeah, we used to dress in suits and high heels and it was almost like the I don’t want to say Hillary Clinton outfit, but I don’t know, we were thought we were so professional and so like we always want to be in heels, which I would never do now like ever. Maybe heels for dinner service, that’s it.

 But, when you have worked with a client for over a year and you’ve connected with them and you planned and you created like, you really want to see it all come together as well. And those of you who have had a child you know, you get a little restless, like up at the [00:15:00] end, you’re just like, God, I want this thing out.

So, she made the call. She was like, yeah, I’ll work it. And I was like, I will be there. I know the full plan if something happens. But I think she worked the whole wedding? Maybe I did the last couple hours since she went home, but I should check in with her. I don’t remember when her baby did come but, she’s petite and she just was all belly. But, yeah, she was a rock star. I think I must have been eight months pregnant on site once, it’s hysterical. Because we also have to be on we are client facing. So when we are client facing, we’re at meetings or on site. We have to be on, we can’t be complaining about our backs hurting or our feet swelling or all of the other little things that come along with it.

Alison: And to just get the job done, like we had a wedding with a caterer that I will not disclose. But things were not going well. It was at the President Lincoln’s cottage venue in D.C. It was my first time working there. It was a tented wedding and it was extremely hot [00:16:00] outside. Like we are all dying in the heat. I’m eight or nine months pregnant, not in heels, but it just things were going so bad with the caterer, it was just unfathomable.

Alexandra: Like there was no hustle. They weren’t moving chairs at the ceremony site it was like, do you understand we have a timeline and we have a plan and we’ve got to get moving.

Alison: And it’s like, I understand it’s hot. So, then because things weren’t moving fast enough, here’s the psychopath in me. I start grabbing ceremony chairs, as many as I can handle, and I start help hauling them, and then Alex is grabbing chairs because she was my assistant that day. And then I think we had another person. So the three of us are like hauling chairs, going, let’s go. Let’s get chairs moved and I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty or crawl on the floor and do all the things that are necessary to make sure an event is successful. And I’m like, I should not be doing this right now. And I was fine afterwards. But it was just like, it’s too hot out here for me but we got to move these chairs and we got to get things [00:17:00] done, and we were able to get all the chairs in place before cocktail hour was over. And then it was just like glass was breaking. They weren’t cleaning it, and it was just all this other things.

Alexandra: Remember we called the paramedics because the groom’s father passed out at the ceremony.

Alison: Yeah, because it was so hot and there were a lot of other things that went wrong with that wedding. And it’s just one of those things where it’s fine if you don’t get a planner. But for this couple that did get a planner, I was happy that they had someone because we were able to like, make it work.

 Like they had the day that they wanted even with the family emergency, they were able to have the wedding that they wanted because we were behind the scenes throwing chairs and not yelling, but talking and trying to work it out with the vendors to be like, how can we speed things up? how can we do this?

Why is this not here? Can someone go pick it up? Like it was just a lot of balls were dropped in. It was one of those things where it’s I’m eight or nine months pregnant, but I’m going to bust my butt to make sure that this client ends up having the day that they want. I [00:18:00] hurt immensely after that, but we did it.

Alexandra: And that’s actually like the sort of catch twenty two of our job is that, because I do think that was a month of coordination client. Because we had never worked with that caterer before. So we’ve learned a lot of lessons where we have to know everything before going on site.

Otherwise if something goes wrong, it looks like it’s our fault. Like we didn’t do our job. But if we didn’t know about it, we can’t help the situation.

Alison: So you are currently managing a full workload of being a business owner. You personally have your own wedding that you are handling for a client next year. But like, you are constantly flying, driving, all the things because you deal with school sports and multiple leagues, and not only like school pickup and carpools and picking up other kids and stuff like that.

So like, how are you finding being able to like, get the work done that you need to in between all of that? Because I feel like as new moms that are coming into [00:19:00] this and they’re just seeing how busy everything is and then they’re like, when you have littles, it’s a little bit easier because you can distract them here and there, give them a coloring book or something like that.

But with like you’re actively having to drive around everywhere, where I’m just like, okay, let’s go to the park, you know, and I can work on the computer while you guys do that.

Alexandra: It’s a lot of staying organized, and it’s hard because my husband, I love him, but he is not a planner or organizer, and you just have to figure out how to carve out that time. So a lot of times I’ll drop the kids off at their sports. Usually practices are like two hours, and then I’ll head over to chicken fillet or Starbucks and pump out an hour of emails or whatever it might be.

 So trying to find that time, I find it’s harder for me to work. So my older son played sort of higher level baseball. So we were traveling especially one year, we traveled Vegas, Texas Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina for all these tournaments, it’s an incredibly exciting time.

 But you have to be so diligent about [00:20:00] getting up an hour before the kids so you can check your email and maybe you don’t go to lunch with the parents. Maybe you go back to your hotel room to catch up on emails. Because I will say that if you’re not keeping up, like the anxiety that comes with owing people deliverables really gets me. And then I almost can’t work because I’m like so anxious.

Alison: I know you can talk to my husband because literally like, if I don’t check my email for an hour because I had to like, go do the school pickup line or something like that, I come back and I’m like, oh, my gosh my clients don’t think I’m answering them or, something like that. And it’s behind the scenes, we’re kind of low key nervous about what our clients think or especially when you do have to message them. And, it’s not every day, luckily, it’s random times where it’s like an emergency happened or something and you’re just like, I’m so sorry, I promised I was going to get you this today, but like, i’ll get it to you tomorrow morning.

 

Alexandra: Or just like right now like it’s high wedding season right now. So we have a ton of events and we’re all on site. I of course [00:21:00] decide to go out of town to see a concert in Nashville.

 I have a client in Nashville, so I did some work with her, which was we knocked it out of the park. I’m super excited about her wedding. But I had a call at five o’clock yesterday, and I’m sitting in traffic trying to get home, and I told my husband I didn’t fell well and was like, what’s going on? Like I don’t feel well. And then after the client call, which was an hour and a half and we just talked about everything, I felt like amazing.

And I was like, oh my gosh. I think it was just anxiety and there was nothing wrong. Like the clients weren’t mad or anything. I just you know, I want to be home. I want to be settled at my desk. I don’t want to tell them I’m running late for traffic, you know, you just want everything to be buttoned up. And I do have that balance of, I love to work, but love to experience things I love, to go to live music, and I do want to check out. So the best thing to do is just be organized and schedule your time, and instead of waking up and being like, all right, what has to happen today? I did carpool for two hours this morning. I didn’t know that was going to happen. That’s why I told you this and I was like, my days are already jammed up. Like I’ve been driving from 8am to 10am.

Alison: Wow, [00:22:00] so you have older children, I have three younger children under five and that’s where it’s like I’m a baby in the school system right now like, i’m just starting with kindergarten with my oldest. And I went to my October client and I had to be honest with them. I was like, look, my life is about to change significantly because it’s like literally drop off the first between seven and seven thirty, then drive home, wake up my other one because she was with my husband before he had to get to work, and then get her ready for her school. And she only goes two times a week, and then it’s the pickup of both of them on certain days and then not on other days. So it’s like a lot to keep track mentally and luckily, with only having to do this for a couple of months I’ve remembering and my husband keeps telling me to give yourself grace.

You are just figuring out what this new schedule is like, and also trying to figure out how to have Logan full time and work full time too. So we had a nanny, but we just recently let her [00:23:00] go because the other kids are in school now. So it’s just trying to figure out this like work life balance.

And it’s been new, but I had to go to that October client being like, I’m so sorry, nothing’s changing for you. Just know that the first two weeks of school, I might not answer as fast as I normally do because I’m trying to figure things out. And luckily with all of this, I have only forgotten one time and I didn’t even really forget.

But I was like sitting on the couch like doing emails, and I looked at the time I was like, oh, one fifteen. I have plenty of time before I have to go pick up Harper. And I was like, nope, I have to pick her up at one thirty and it’s a twenty minute drive. So I was about ten minutes late to go pick her up.

And it’s just because I was sitting there going, oh, I have all this time to keep doing emails and like all that stuff. So it’s just one of those things where it’s like yes, my children come first, my family comes first. And trying to figure out how to get my career to work in that and it’s just been a fun little puzzle that I’ve been working on lately.

Alexandra: And we do have to rely on our partners as well. [00:24:00] So this is just a funny story, so I had a rehearsal. They didn’t do rehearsal. though It was like a rehearsal tea at I think the Ritz and all these things wasn’t going well. Tea service wasn’t happening the way we had planned it with that venue.

 So it was taking longer, the bride was getting a little upset. I was supposed to leave mid-way through because it was sort of autopilot. And I kept calling my husband like, you have to pick up Declan. He had decided to go to happy hour with his friends and they were in a bar. I mean, It felt like they must have been in a bunker. So he wasn’t getting service in the bar. So, you know, tensions are rising. Like I can see clients not happy, and you have to pick up your kid at daycare like it’s a big charge usually if you make staff stay later than that. So, I finally just had to leave, and on the way home I just had this idea. I called the actual bar, and I was like, tell Toby Perry to call me immediately. And I was just so [00:25:00] mad, and so he was defensive. And I was like, I know you didn’t mean to do that, but I was at work. So, when I’m at work I need you to be on and be aware that it’s not party time yet. And so we’re all clear.

Alison: I think a lot of parents, you have to give yourself grace and especially, like all of our clients that are having babies now like, it’s so exciting, but they’re trying to navigate their career and see a little bit like, not that we showed half of anything that we go through to our clients because obviously it’s very professional and stuff.

But you do get to know them and they have questions and stuff like that, and now they get to see what it’s like to go through it and figure out their career and how they’re going to manage and you know, daycare especially in some areas. I learned this the hard way when we had my first daughter, I was like, wait, you have to try to figure out childcare before they’re born? That seems wild to me and I was like, I’m not from the DC area and I just didn’t think about it. And then I’m calling all over the place, they’re like, oh, we have a one year waiting list. And I’m like, [00:26:00] oh, okay. But it was just still like, in shock that you had to call like a year or two before to try to get childcare. That was just crazy. But being a parent now, obviously you grow so much and it’s just a lot to handle because it’s a lot of new things, and you worry about any time there’s like a little cough or their nose is sniffly and you’re like, what is wrong?

 So I can’t imagine people doing this before the internet and not being able to look up like, okay, why are their lips turning blue? or why is this happening or something like that.

Alexandra: But with the Covid stuff, once we were allowed back on site, we all had masks and then some venues I think required, like your vaccination card, but you’re like, oh my God, what if I get sick with Covid the morning of the wedding? They need me there. But I obviously can’t be a super spreader at their wedding that we can’t do that either. It just brought a lot of stress to the table.

Alison: And Covid killed a lot of things like, it was stressful, it was a lot, but it [00:27:00] did give a lot of unexpected family time, at the same time you’re crying on your kitchen floor, once we learned out there like, oh, there’s no dancing in DC anymore.

And I just was like, I’m done. This is too much. But then at the same time, it was like, I can look back at that and be like, I got so much time with my first baby that most people don’t get. And it was the best thing ever. And I can look at Covid a little bit happier knowing that I did get more time, because otherwise she would have just gone into daycare once she was old enough to do so, so that I could, do what I need to do with the amount of meetings and driving around and stuff like that.

 But one of my favorite stories is my oldest daughter, Olivia. For all those that are listening, she is our number one fan. All the time she wants to go to sleep to our podcast. She knows the opening script by heart. Like, grab a glass of champagne like Alex’s opener before every single podcast, she knows that by heart. [00:28:00] So hello, Olivia, I want to give you a shout out because I know you’ll be listening to this eventually. But she’s our number one. She’s even told all of her teachers at school. She’s like, you have to listen to Weddings Unscripted. So, she is our biggest fan and it’s amazing to see her love this so much as much as we do.

But she had to come with me to deliver hotel bags one time, and she’s never forgotten that. She thought it was the coolest thing ever, that she got to come deliver hotel bags. And she even got to meet one of my clients, and they thought it was so fun to meet her and stuff like that, because it was just a pickup. Like, i’m in athletic clothes so that I can run, grab the hotel bags from them, and then go to the three or four different hotels and deliver them for them. Because delivering hotel bags is unexpectedly a huge pain in the butt.

 I will do it for you so that you don’t have to have the stress, but I dislike doing it very much because valet people have a lot to do, but sometimes they are not the nicest when it’s like, I [00:29:00] literally just need to run these five bags into your hotel.

 I understand it’s a busy valet, but please just let me do this. I will be in and out like that. And I get that people probably tell them that all the time and then are in there for an hour. But I promise you, I don’t want to be here longer. I just want to go in and out. But she got to meet one of my clients.

So then we got a Christmas card from them after the wedding with their faces on it, and she just kept going I know them, and I was like, I completely forgot she met them and stuff like that. But yeah, it’s very rewarding and it has helped me on site be a little bit better and more understanding, like helping nursing moms know where to go or to be thinking about that in advance, or if there’s a ton of kids at the wedding, my advice because my daughter was a flower girl one time, and even though I’m in the wedding industry, I was like, this is a whole nother ballpark of behind the scenes that I’m like, I wasn’t prepared for it. So, like having to bring her early for photos and get her ready and, do this and that, and I’m not even in the [00:30:00] wedding party.

So it was like, it was a lot. So now I’m more understanding for parents that are having to do this and then giving them advice on how to like, help get them down the aisle or to help keep them entertained during the ceremony. My biggest advice is we enticed Olivia down the aisle with a lollipop.

 We’re like, if you walk down the aisle, I got a big old lollipop waiting for you. We didn’t pre unwrap it. So like during the ceremony when it’s super quiet, we started to go to unwrap the lollipop and it was the loudest crinkle ever and we’re like okay, we have to pause, I know we told you would get this lollipop, but I can’t open this right now. Like, this is so distracting and loud.

 And that’s the thing of like, I feel so much. I’m sure Alex, you have seen it. Photographers have seen it a million times. But the face of the parents, the shame, the guilt they feel when they have to carry a screaming child out of a ceremony, and just us [00:31:00] trying to quickly be like, come in here, come over here, get in this room.

 And you can just see their frustration. They just wanted to watch the ceremony. And I’ve seen that time and time again, and it’s just really hard. But there’s more reward there for having kids.

Alexandra: Well, I hope you all enjoyed learning a little bit about our life as a wedding planner. I honestly don’t know if I could do a nine to five in an office, and I don’t want any listener to be like, that’s insane, of course I could. I would figure it out with childcare and my husband’s schedule.

 But it is nice to have the flexibility. Like, I like to pick up my own kids at school. You know, and in our contract, I will say this, our communication says we are nine to five and I think nine to three on Fridays because we go to rehearsals. So we try to keep to that schedule, so it stays in the work day, if that makes sense.

 But sometimes the biggest opportunity I get to do work or catch up is seven thirty to nine thirty at night. So then I’m firing off emails, but it’s just [00:32:00] good communication with your clients to let them know that may have been like, a one off opportunity that you were just trying to catch up. It wasn’t normal. Just so that they’re not expecting emails at night.

Alison: Yeah, setting boundaries is important as a parent, but also mainly as a business owner in general. You want to do that because you also have to protect your own life like, this is why we are working so that we can have a life and enjoy time with our family and go do fun things like going to concerts and stuff like that.

 But I think that’s one of the biggest things of the weird guilt that’s there. So like when I was first having children, I was like, you know, didn’t really do a lot of weekend meetings because it was like, that’s mainly for weddings and stuff like that. But then when people would ask every once in a while like, oh, can we meet on Sunday? Or can we meet Friday evening or something like that? And before I was like, yeah, let’s do it all. Like I would go to every single networking event and you know, everything like that. And then once I had kids, I was like, oh my gosh like, I can’t do this stuff anymore. It’s too hard. I’ll do an evening meeting every once [00:33:00] in a while to accommodate clients as best as I can, but like, let me put my kids to bed first and then I’m yours for hours.

If you want to talk till ten o’clock at night let’s get it done. And then some clients have done that with me and have actually liked that better because then they can get off work, eat dinner, and then, get into some nitty gritty of wedding planning and then, rest the rest of the night.

But it’s one of those things where weekend work, like when people ask for weekend meetings, it’s like, well most of your vendors aren’t going to be able to do weekend meetings anyway, like most of them, are nine to five legitly throughout the week. Venues aren’t open, they’re hosting, everyone’s working.

 But there’s times when we don’t have weddings. It’s like, I feel oddly guilty about being like, oh well, that’s family time. I actually have a birthday party to go to, or we’re going to visit my family on the Eastern Shore, we’re going to do this. And I think that’s just the weird thing that any clients that are listening, like we do have anxiety behind the scenes of having to tell you no, and then some people might be sitting here be [00:34:00] like, oh, I’ll tell a client no all the time and be able to say it with a smile on my face and be happy about it.

But like, we care so much that it makes it difficult for us to sometimes be like, oh fine, I’ll do that. And I don’t want anyone to stress like, oh, I’m making my client or my wedding planner work through a time that she can’t do or something like, we’ll tell you if we can or not.

But I think when you were saying, like earlier in your career where you felt this weird thing about letting people know you were pregnant or having kids, I think that’s such a weird thing that we all are still experiencing now, and I don’t think that ever will ever go away, especially until like, more of us come out and have this conversation about how we’re all feeling, or maybe our clients actually don’t care as much as we think.

Alexandra: Yeah, and I think the whole zoom thing is interesting because that’s another gift we got from Covid. We meet much less in person and much more on zoom. But the balance of that is that we all have home offices. So I think as long as you don’t make it a big deal, the clients don’t mostly, or if it’s a [00:35:00] very serious meeting, I’ll find a space where you’re not going to be disturbed.

Alison: Yeah. During school time, during naps, in the evenings, all the fun things to set them up with coloring pages or craft or something. And then you can do some emails or a call or something like that. And my kids have gotten pretty good about, I’m on a call. It will be very short, I promise. And if you just let me get through it, then we’ll hang out and do all the things. And I say this as Logan is sleeping in my lap right now as we film this podcast.

 But thank you everyone, I know this was a little raw and we shared maybe too much, but hopefully we can open the conversation because I think if you go back a few episodes, we talked about the DMV collective that just started and we were moderators at the panel discussion.

 And actually, this topic came up multiple times, and I think people were hungry to talk about it. So I’m curious about other people’s thoughts or fun stories about being a parent and getting through the things or the craziest thing you’ve had to do while trying to work a wedding or something like that.

 Like [00:36:00] very quickly, my May wedding that was like the four days in a row, and actually another wedding back in twenty twenty, it’s only been two times, luckily. But where are my kids? Like, drank through the milk that I pumped like extra fast, and my husband had to drive into the city with the baby to like, come pick up more milk that I had been pumping during the events and having him like get through security at some Smithsonian event, and having to come find me in a venue to be able to grab my cooler of milk, or sneak into my hotel room when I was like, staying in DC for a multi-day weekend.

 And he had to like, sneak into my hotel room, without a key with the hotel to be able to get in and grab milk from the fridge. So, it’s the things we have to do.

Alexandra: Yeah. Well, we hope you all enjoyed a little insight to our life as a whole. Moms, families, wedding plannings, all the things. And keep tuned in, we have a lot of fun interviews coming up. [00:37:00] So we appreciate you listening, and we’ll see you next time. Take care everybody.